Kelly whose name is incredibly appropriate because his facial hair looks like a fart: It’s light brown and wispy and goes to a point. There are at least four: a blind Asian hipster prostitute, the therapist (more on that later), some henchmen, and the most dramatic new introduction: Beeno. This at least if quantifiable, if not sensical. Here are the questions I had going into this, and I think they were pretty reasonable. It starts with secrecy and ends with a rumor, and the rumor is: Everyone has AIDS! It’s just like Rent!

And there are some old people who are goofy. But to sum up what happened as best I can in this unrecappable situation: Um, everyone had sex with everyone. Then again, if you have seen chapters 1-22, you’re probably in the same boat.

If you haven’t seen chapters 1-22, this list won’t make much sense to you. It was like watching a really poorly made rug, where the guy who made it spent the whole time looking at the camera and making a face like, “I can’t believe this rug I just made!” So instead, judge me by this question: what did I just watch? Absolutely no loose ends are tied up in this installment of R.

Voltaire said, “Judge a man by his questions, not by his answers.” It was a helpful quote to bear in mind while watching Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 23-33, which aired back-to-back on IFC Friday night, mostly because the show was all questions and no answers.

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